


Daisy Mae

by asmodesgold



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 14:59:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13720119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmodesgold/pseuds/asmodesgold
Summary: Sonny comes home with more than just exhaustion...





	Daisy Mae

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bangtanandbarisi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangtanandbarisi/gifts).



> A very belated Valentine's gift to booyahkendell!
> 
> Beta'd by raulruinedmylife.

  


  


The tell tale sounds of jangling keys preceded the deadbolt sliding in and the front door creaking open. Rafael took another sip of his wine, reclined in one of the chairs that circled the small table along the far wall of the kitchen. Tie already discarded, top few buttons on his shirt undone, one ankle resting on top of the other legs’ thigh, he projected an air of nonchalance while he had to press down on that ankle to keep his leg from bouncing.

 

Footsteps in the front hall. There was shuffling, and the sound of something being set down. Rafael swirled the crimson liquid, watching as it rolled against the clear walls of the glass.

 

“Hey.” Sonny’s voice was soft, but Rafael could still hear the nervousness in it.

 

“Hello.” He kept his face as neutral as possible. Sonny opened his mouth but before he could say anything Rafael interrupted him, an edge in his voice. “How was your day? Anything _interesting_ happen?”

 

Sonny visibly deflated.

 

“Liv told you, didn’t she?”

 

“Told me what?”

 

“...Told you what happened.” The nervousness was replaced with perplexity; Sonny’s eyes narrowed just slightly and he cocked his head.

 

“No. No one from the precinct contacted me about you at all. Why? What happened?” He asked with an innocent curiosity he laid on so thick Sonny visibly flinched. _Good_ , he thought, though his stomach twisted at how uncomfortable his boyfriend looked.

 

“Uh, look, ok, we’ve got these cousins, ok, dad’s older brother’s kids’ kids who are a bunch a bad apples. Ya know, always gettin’ in trouble and just...just not decent people by any stretch of the imagination.” He held his hands out in front of him and Rafael nodded to show he understood. Sonny visibly relaxed. He stepped closer until their knees knocked together. Rafael allowed him to take his hands in his own. “One of them…” He opened and closed his mouth, staring at their joined hands, no sound coming from him. Rafael could see tears gathering in his eyes beneath furrowed eyes.

 

He could no longer hold on to his bitterness and anger, frail as it had already been it melted completely with the sorrow emitting from every fibre of the man he loved.

 

“Come here,” he said softly, letting his leg fall to the floor and gently tugging Sonny towards him until the man was literally in his lap, straddling him, their foreheads pressed together.

 

“After all these years on the job why does it still hurt so much. I should be stronger.” The pleading in those beautiful blue eyes was too much to bear. Rafael stretched upwards to press a kiss to each of Sonny's eyelids.

 

“You are.”

 

Sonny let out a shuddering breath but didn't argue, instead seeming to find strength from Rafael's declaration.

 

“They didn't even name her, Rafi. Didn't even _name_ her. When Faskins and Malcone from the 73rd got there they said she was laying on the bare floor skin and bones, covered in marks-” Sonny's voice cut out again as he swallowed, hard. “Rafi, she's just a _baby. A baby._ Only a _month old_.”

 

“Where is she now?”

 

Sonny tensed in his lap.

 

“Sleeping by the door.”

 

“Mm.” Rafael hummed, staring at a spot over Sonny's shoulder.

 

“Look, Raf,” Sonny rushed out. “I'll take care of everything ok, you don't have to do anything or pay for anything or-”

 

“Why didn't you talk to me first.”

 

“I didn't think-”

 

“You didn't think that I should have a say on whether or not we bring another _person_ into this house?”

 

“But-”

 

“We _live_ together, Sonny, we share a _life_ together, there's nothing that you do that doesn't affect me in some way _especially_ something this big.”

 

Sonny remained silent.

 

“I don't have to do anything? Sonny, you work long, unpredictable hours whereas I, at the very least, work somewhere that a child could stay at after the babysitter's shift. How would I _not_ have to do anything? When she wakes you up in the middle of the night _she's going to wake me up too_.”

 

Sonny winced.

 

“I don't have to pay for anything? Sonny, we budget our finances _together_. One way or another I would be.”

 

“I'm sorry,” Sonny finally said, eyes lost in the stripes of Rafael's shirt.

 

“Why didn't you talk to me first?”

 

One of Rafael's favorite traits of Sonny's, one of the reasons he fell in love with him, was the courage coursing through his Italian blood, and it was that courage that had Sonny looking him in the eye, even with the guilt of knowing one's in the wrong written plain as day on his face.

 

“I...I was afraid you'd say no.”

 

Rafael closed his eyes. Yeah, he probably deserved that, but it hurt nonetheless that Sonny didn't trust him with something so important.

 

“Get up,” he instructed, taking his hands back. Sonny looked like he wanted to argue, wanted to keep Rafael pinned there until they talked it out more, but after a beat he got up, though he didn't go far. He watched warily as Rafael rose after him and turned down the hall towards their bedroom.

 

“Rafi,” Sonny called, one step behind him. “Wait-” Rafael opened their bedroom door and Sonny lost his breath.

 

Their bed was covered in various baby items, from bottles and pacifiers to diapers and toys and blankets. Attached to the far side of the bed was a crib that had only three sides, the fourth, the side attached to the bed, was open, allowing an almost seamless transition from bed to crib.

 

“I'm so sorry,” Sonny said in a hushed voice, unable to take his eyes off it all, clearly in awe. Rafael's hackles lowered.

 

“To be fair, I can see how you could've thought I'd react that way,” he admitted. “But you still should've talked to me about it.”

 

“Yeah, I shoulda.” The flash of burning blue eyes turning on him was the only warning he received before his face was pressed between two hands and his lips forced into a passionate kiss. “I love you,” Sonny said when they'd separated.

 

“I love you too.”

 

Sonny bit his lower lip.

 

“There's one thing I don't get though.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“How did you know?”

 

“I still have friends I keep in contact with at the Brooklyn DA’s office.”

 

“They told you I was bringing her home?”

 

“No, but one of them did recognize your last name and called me to tell me about the case. And if there’s one thing I know,” he loosely wrapped Sonny’s waist in his arms. “It’s you. I knew what you’d do when you heard what happened.”

 

A look of overwhelming awe and love took over Sonny’s face, making Rafael feel self-conscious.

 

“I don’t know how good I’ll be at this,” he warned.

 

“You’ll be amazing; you always are.” Sonny shifted, suddenly bursting at the seams with nervousness and excitement, much like he had been when he’d asked Rafael out for the first time. “D’ya wanna meet her?”

 

Rafael straightened, keeping his own nervousness at bay with a sense of resolve.

 

“Sure.”

 

The infant was lying still in a car seat that simply dwarfed her tiny frame. Wispy blonde hair and fair skin were in sharp contrast to the black, swollen eye and red scrapes and scratches that littered the exposed bits of her skin. At once Rafael felt anger flood him, turning his stomach and grinding his teeth together. His fingers curled in on themselves, nails digging into palms, as Sonny lowered himself to his knees next to her, and he couldn’t help but wonder how his boyfriend wasn’t through the roof.

 

“Meet Daisy Mae Carisi.” Sonny’s voice was soft and reverent but still managed to rouse her. She opened her good eye and focused blearily on him, but otherwise her expression, one of vague discontent, stayed the same. “Hi, angel.” Sonny unclipped the harness strapping her into the chair and deftly scooped her up, bringing her over to Rafael. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

 

Rafael couldn’t see what Sonny was referring to; he couldn’t get past the obvious signs of physical abuse and her generally unhappy countenance.

 

“Who named her?” Rafael asked to mask how awkward he felt. How does one interact with babies, especially unhappy ones?

 

“I did,” Sonny said, still speaking in hushed, happy tones. He bounced her gently side to side, making little noises as he did. Seeing how natural Sonny was with her relaxed the knots threaded in the muscles of Rafael's body. He pressed against Sonny's back, hooking his chin over his shoulder, allowing the comforting scent of his beloved envelope him just as Sonny's arms cradled new life.

 

“What, no sainted namesake?”

 

“I thought about it. But I'd been talking to my ma on the phone before going to the hospital to pick her up and she'd been talking about how her daisies had just started bloomin’ and when I saw her I was just struck with how beautiful she is, just like a newly bloomed flower so, you know…”

 

The three of them quietly stood in the hallway for a minute, swaying back and forth.

 

“Why? D’ya think it's a stupid name?”

 

“Of course not,” Rafael said, punctuating his reassurance with a kiss to Sonny's jaw.

 

“Thank you,” Sonny whispered after another moment of silence.

 

He didn't know how to respond the emotions Sonny had packed into those two words. Normally he'd throw out a quip or some sarcastic comment, but the moment didn't seem right for it. Luckily Sonny relieved him from his dilemma.

 

“It's only for a short while, only until she finds a family.”

 

“What are you talking about; she has a family.”

 

Sonny whipped around so fast he nearly knocked Rafael over. His eyes had gone wide, unbelieving.

 

“What?! I thought you didn't want kids??”

 

“I’ll admit, I was never...enthusiastic about the idea, but...do remember when you asked me out?”

 

“‘Course.”

 

“And how I asked you for some time to think about it?”

 

“Yeah.” Sonny’s cheek twitched and something flashed in the ocean of his eyes. Guilt twisted ugly in his chest; Sonny had been gracious and understanding when Rafael had made that request, and never in their fourteen month long relationship had he ever even hinted that he’d taken it personally.

 

Well, no time like the present to clarify that miscommunication.

 

“Before I said yes I wanted to be sure that I would be good for you.”

 

“Good?”

 

“That I wouldn’t be wasting your time. I made a list of all the things that could possibly drive us apart, and one of the biggest items was children. That one took the longest, actually, but I ended up deciding that, when the time came, I would have a family with you.”

 

Sonny gaped at him.

 

“Rafi, I would’a been okay without kids!”

 

“Really?” He pointedly looked at the infant in Sonny’s arms. In the moment after he’d dropped the bombshell on Sonny about adopting the child Daisy had gotten fussy from the sudden movement and Sonny had unconsciously shifted her to his shoulder, swaying and laying soothing kisses upon her wild mane. Sonny followed his gaze and blushed, but didn’t stop his ministrations. “I would never have asked you to give up something so important to you, something so integral to your very person.”

 

Clearly overwhelmed, Sonny buried his nose into her blond locks and squeezed his eyes shut. Rafael smirked and closed the distance between them once more.

 

“I had planned on marrying you first, though.”

 

If Sonny hadn’t been holding a baby Rafael was sure he would’ve been pushed onto the nearest flat surface and ridden like a racehorse until he came deep inside his impetuous, passionate Italian. As it was there was a promise burning in those ceruleans that told him the first chance they got he’d better be ready for it.

 

“I can’t make any promises about my abilities,” Rafael warned again. “But I’ll do my best.”

 

“Your best is always more than enough Rafi.” Sonny pressed a chaste kiss to his lips but pulled away when Daisy began squirming and making unhappy noises. “Yes, Angel? Do you want to meet your daddy?”

 

He didn’t have time to examine the feelings that being called by that pronoun evoked as his anxiety came back full force when he suddenly had an armful of discontented newborn, Sonny rearranging his hands and instructing him on how to hold her. Too soon it was just him holding her up. She was so much _heavier_ than he’d thought she’d be, even though he’d read from the reports his friend had faxed over that she was actually underweight for her age. Regardless, she was still solid and oh-so-fragile, and he didn’t dare move for fear of dropping her. This didn’t sit well with her as her face twisted in the beginnings of a crying fit.

 

“You have to rock her,” Sonny said, hands on his arms guiding him into a rhythmic movement. “From the knees. And talk to her.”

 

“What do I say?”

 

Sonny shrugged.

 

“Anything you want. The important thing is to talk to ‘em, it helps their language development plus they love it. Don’t you, little angel? Yeah, you do. This is your new daddy, he’s going to take such good care of you and he gives _the best_ hugs and just _wait_ until he sings you lullabies and tells you bedtime stories; there’s no better feeling than laying against his chest and feeling it rumble underneath you as he talks to you.”

 

Rafael had sworn there wasn’t any way he could love this man anymore than he did, but then Sonny looked up at him from where he was pressing a kiss to Daisy’s temple and he could’ve died from how full his heart felt. Strength entered him and he turned his attention back to the infant who was staring up at him much more calmly, as if waiting to see the man that Sonny had just described to her. He suddenly understood why Sonny had called her beautiful before. Because she was.

 

And she was theirs. Theirs to love and protect and take to her christening and wake up with kisses and…

 

Peace washed over him, and the commitment he’d just made no longer seemed as daunting as it had before. He shifted his grip on her so that he could bring up a finger to caress her cheek where the bruising faded away to pale skin.

 

“Hello, Daisy Mae Barba-Carisi.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, I had the name 'Daisy' picked out before I found this song; pure kismet.


End file.
